While the only two stories that were published would be considered f/f fiction (I distinguish f/f from lesbian for a reason, mostly having to do with identity vs. action), I don’t only write about women having sex with women. My first erotic piece (that wasn’t fanfiction) was my m/m vampire story. And of the six short stories I’ve written this year, four were het, one was gay m/m, and one was f/f. Later this month, I’ll write a het novella. And the FRIGID BITCH novel I’m working on submitting includes m/f, f/f, m/f/f, and an orgy.
In addition, I’ve included some other sexual deviancies (which I use in the most loving, delicious manner), including polyamory in FRIGID BITCH, bloodplay and whips in a short story, sitophilia in a short story, and my first published work involved an intersex woman. I love exploring the world of sex, from vanilla to all flavors of kink and sexual decisions and sexual orientations: fetishes, kinks, queerness, multiple partners, BDSM, etc. About the only queer thing (I use queer in the all-encompassing way to describe ‘not average’ sexuality, sex, and gender) I haven’t tackled is transsexualism, and that’s simply because I’m not prepared to at this time.
I myself am queer, although I’m still working on my precise identity. Some people don’t like labels – I find that I do, because it helps me know myself. Language is labels, and I’m lost without it. However, my personal preferences and interests, while they inform the direction of my writing, don’t always determine its direction. I’m not sitophilic. I’ve never engaged in a BDSM scene. My fantasies run all across the board, but my experience is … well, let’s just say limited and go with it. But my interests, my curiosities, go beyond the boundaries of my personal fantasies, and that’s where things get fun.
Through writing, I can experience a brief glimpse into the lives of other people, hopefully in a completely respectful way, for all that it is so temporary. Since I do write horrorotica, one can presume that I don’t view various identities as all fun and games, a costume to slip on when I want to roleplay. I sincerely try to empathize not just with the good, but with the less enjoyable aspects of queerness and alternative sexualities. Perhaps some of it I’ll experiment with in real life one day, but for now, I truly enjoy stretching my legs in the realm of virtual reality, where I try to build up my respect for various kinds of people and their interests by living the lives of my characters. My characters aren’t me. Technically, I suppose they come from me, but they are often strangers to me who allow me into their minds for a short period, as long as I take nothing but pictures and leave nothing but footprints. They have patience with me, but they demand respect.
What I write may not perfectly depict the experience of a fetishist, a masochist, or someone who is genderqueer, but I only hope that, in doing my best, I can write something that someone with those experiences can identify with as I try to find ways in which I do as well. For writing allows me my own safe space to explore my own sexuality and gender expression, safer even than being in whatever scene I’m interested in. Of course, it doesn’t beat the real thing for figuring out what I want, but as long as I’m not sure and I’m having a hard time finding places to figure that out safely, writing will be my safe space (and I want to talk about writing as safe space in the future). And I want it to be the safe space for other people as well, to experience both their anxieties and their fantasies and know that, in both, you are not alone.